8 weeks ago I was having the surgery at my knee. Time for a short overview.
The first weeks have been quite exhausting. I wasn't allowed to bend the knee, had to walk with crutches and after all, the pain was more intense than I thought. With the days passing I could start swimming with pullbuoy, increasing the strength training and doing some one-legged-spinning. It was helping me a lot that I could still do some activities! I started investing more time into school and friends and my life was still very comfortable.
And now? Today I'm walking normally, my knee flexion is around 120°, I'm swimming faster than ever before, was running my first aquajogging-longjogg and stopped weight training because my shouldermuscels are getting too fat ;) My physio and doctor are very happy with the developement, in 4 weeks I can start running on the anti-gravity-treadmill and every day I'm working on my leg strength and proprioception.
Concerning the national team, I'm still part of it but only "on paper", I won't be participating at any event in 2019.
The first 4 weeks I was mentally taking it very easy and professional, I was just looking forward and was happy with my situation. But then I started doubting and questioning, I was caught by some desperation and realizing what it really means for an elite athlete - and the time seemed like not moving forward, it was not possible to imagine that in one year I should be back running, it was not even possible to remember how running was feeling. And this was the moment when I got caught by all the feelings and fears that have been missing all the time since the diagnose.
But on the other hand, I'm really making big steps forward, my physio is convinced that I'll be planting a bomb when coming back and my doctor thinks it is realistic to be back competing already after 9 months (so in june already). Of course I know that I can not hold on this forecasts but still they are giving me a lot of power.
And then I'm just having the best possible friends around me! Never felt so much support and aid and they are keeping me grounded. I'm just very very thankful and I hope, someday I can give this back in any way.
And now? Now I keep walking, and later running, into the next year :)